Picture this. A beautiful Sunday drive through the country. Trees, wild flowers on the side of the road, a golden yellow sun shining high above. A glimpse of the lake can be seen out my window. Country music is playing, Dana is singing, Marley is sleeping on the front seat dreaming about chasing dogs and Isla is smiling away looking out the window. I look at Isla and tell her she is the most beautiful girl in the world. I push the hair out of her face, give her a little squeeze on the cheek and watch her face light up. She burps, giggles about it, burps again. Suddenly her face has changed. She looks a little worried. “What’s wrong Isla? Are you…” before I can get anymore words out a gush of warm, milky fluid hits my neck. It keeps coming and coming and coming! When will it stop?! Projectile vomit hits my face, my clothes, gets into every possible crevice of Isla’s car seat, all over her beautiful new dress and somehow in her hair. Dana panics and asks if we should pull over?! Luckily at this point we are literally 30 seconds away from our house.
We pull into the driveway. I try to get her out of her car seat as quickly as possible but things are a bit slippery. After a bit of frustration on all ends, Isla is free. We stand in the front yard and of course her dress has to have 78 million buttons. “Almost done honey” I tell her. Finally the dress is off and her bare belly is proudly showing in the front yard. She thinks it’s pretty cool. “Come on Isla. It’s bath time.” “No mommy. Run!” A flash of baby belly and baby rolls runs across the front yard. Lucky for her I am quicker! I scoop her up in my arms and before she can scream Noooooooooo her diaper is off and we are inside and she is in the tub. I can’t run the water fast enough. The puke is starting to smell and we don’t have much time. The water is filling up but Isla has other ideas. “I pee mommy”. Oh wonderful! The tub water now has a slight yellowish hue followed by bubbles….oh and little things floating….brown things. “Isla did you poop too?!” “Pee poopy mommy!” Out she goes from the tub, I hose her down and yell for Dana’s help who is still spraying off the car seat outside that has now been fully removed from the vehicle. I guess it’s just me. I shut the bathroom door so Isla can’t get free, clean out the tub and run another bath. Let’s try this again.
Success! It was a crazy 30 minutes but we have a clean baby. This is real life. It’s our life.
P.S. Yogurt drinks before a long car ride is never a good idea. You have been warned.
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