Tonight I go to bed thinking to myself “tomorrow I will be a better mom.” This seems to be a usual occurrence. I think back to the events that happened throughout the day and start judging myself on all of the things I didn’t do right or should have done better. Am I doing a good job? Why won’t she listen? Why isn’t he sleeping? Am I over thinking things or do I just suck at this parenting gig?
Tomorrow I will wake up an hour before anyone else. I will sit in silence, drink my coffee and plan out my day. I will watch the sun rise, hear the birds sing and just be by myself for a while. Maybe I will even take a shower before everyone wakes up…maybe.
Tomorrow I will make Isla’s favourite breakfast; pancakes! We will sit and enjoy our morning together and talk about what we will do today.
Tomorrow we will NOT watch any tv! Not even one show on Treehouse. Not even one “Paw Patrol” on YouTube. I will not allow her tears and screams to shake me down.
Tomorrow nap time will not be a struggle. I will not allow myself to rise to any level of frustration when my daughter feels the need to run around naked for 30 minutes while I try so desperately to get her underwear and clothes back on. I will laugh with her, chase her around, tickle her and soak in these moments together.
Tomorrow I will not raise my voice, yell or bribe my kids with the promise of something special. I will not use treats to get my way and then feel bad when I give in to just “one more animal cracker.”
Tomorrow I will have breakfast, lunch and dinner prepped and ready to go. We will have homemade trail mix for snacks and every last vegetable will be finished off her plate.
Tomorrow we will expand our minds together. We will go on a nature walk, play in the backyard all day, jump in puddles if it rains and look for shooting stars after the sun sets. We will let the classroom be outside and not in.
Tomorrow we will turn the music up, open the windows and dance around. We will sing songs together, belt out the ABC’s and sing our 123’s. You will show me what you have learned and I will listen.
Tomorrow I will be in the moment. I will be present, looking at their faces and not my phone. I will get down to their level, hold them both and tell you how much I love you. I will not worry about the mess, the food smears on the wall or the peanut butter in my hair. I will not worry about putting on my makeup, straightening my hair or getting out of my pyjamas. I won’t worry about the to-do list and stress out when I don’t get things done. I will relish in this season and know that it won’t last forever.
Tonight I will go to bed knowing that some days are better than others but all days are truly a blessing. My children smiled at me, said “thank you” to a stranger and kissed me goodnight. I kept them fed, they played in clean clothes and had books to read. They have games to play, family that love them and a house to call home.
Tonight I am happy, fulfilled and know that I did my best. My kids are asleep safely in their beds with full bellies, hearts that feel loved with an excitement for tomorrow. Right now I am the best mom to them. One that kisses scrapped knees, sings them to sleep, imagines there are pink dragons flying around and thinks that their art project of macaroni and sparkles is the most wonderful thing in the whole world.
Today I am their mom and that is the best.